I've Always Known
by sunnysparkles
Summary: Sirius wakes Remus up from a nightmare, but Remus refuses to talk about it. Will Sirius find out Remus' secret? Is it really a secret? Marauder era, Sirius/Remus slash


**Note**: So this is just something I came up while I was bored in class one day. This is how I always imagine them acting, so I'm sorry if you see them another way. Anyway, thanks for reading, and I hope you like it! Reviews/constructive criticism is always appreciated.

**Disclaimer**: I wish I owned Harry Potter so I could pair Remus with Sirius instead of Tonks.

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**I've Always Known  
**

"Moony? Hey Moony!" Sirius was shaking the boy on the four poster adjacent to his.

"Wha- Sirius?" Remus' eyes fluttered open, blinking confusedly at the concerned face in front of him. He knew it was Sirius, because James and Peter had already gone home for the winter holidays. Sirius had volunteered to stay at Hogwarts with Remus, reminding his friends he wasn't welcome in the Black household for Christmas holidays anyway.

"You okay? You were thrashing around like a madman."

Remus felt his face grow red, thankful that the room was dark. The only exception to the darkness was a trace of moonlight coming from the window, highlighting all the perfect features on Sirius' concerned face. His mouth went dry. He could never admit to Sirius that he was having nightmares. Sirius was so strong, so perfect, and he refused to show him yet another one of his weaknesses.

"I'm fine, but thanks Padfoot."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Don't give me that crap, Remus. I know you better than that. You wanna talk about it?"

Remus shook his head quickly, maybe a little too quickly. He could never tell Sirius he was having a nightmare- about him. Remus could only imagine what Sirius would say to that. He wasn't ready to face that yet. He wasn't ready to tell his best friend that he fancied him.

"Sometimes I really wish you'd talk to me," Sirius said simply, placing a hand on Remus' shoulder.

His face grew, if possible, hotter. If Sirius only knew! He was practically torturing the werewolf right now. Although Remus wondered if maybe there was a small chance Sirius could fell the same way about him one day. After all, Sirius hadn't brought around any new girls in months. Maybe he did fancy blokes. But Remus would never know, because he would never ever tell.

Remus abandoned his hopeful thoughts, suddenly remembering he wasn't alone. Sirius' hand was still on his shoulder, his eyes gazing at Remus intently, as if he were expecting something. Remus looked up into his eyes and quickly looked away again. He couldn't look at Sirius like that, he just couldn't. Sirius would catch on, and he would know. Things would never be the same again.

"I'm fine, Padfoot, really. Go back to bed." But Sirius did not move an inch.

"You were saying my name," Sirius whispered. He eyes were suddenly very intense, searching, and Remus could not bring himself to look away from them this time. He cheeks grew an even darker shade of red.

"I-" But before Remus could make up his excuse, he was silenced by Sirius' warm lips pressing against his own. Shocked, he pushed Sirius away roughly.

"What on Earth are you doing?"

It was Sirius' turn to look embarrassed now. "I'm sorry, I thought-" but what exactly he thought, Remus never found out, because he'd heard all he needed to hear. He pulled Sirius closer, all traces of shyness suddenly gone. There was no hesitation this time, and neither of them pulled away immediately.

"How'd you know?" Remus asked when they finally pulled away.

"I've always known."

"You _knew_?" His voice was strained.

Sirius grinned widely, "You can't possibly think you're subtle, Remus Lupin. You look at me with so much intensity, it's hard to miss. And the way you blush when I look at you-" Remus tried to look away, but Sirius stopped him, bringing the werewolf's face closer to his, "Completely obvious. It's actually kinda cute though; you have no idea."

"But you, you've never shown an interest. You kept bringing around all those new _girls _all the time."

"I wanted to be sure first. I couldn't bear breaking your heart, Moony, you know that."

"And you're sure now?" Remus asked hesitantly.

"More sure than I've ever been about anything else in my life."

"But I'm- I'm a werewolf, Sirius. I'm dangerous."

"That's nonsense, and you know it. Besides, I like danger. You know that."

"But you can do so much better than me. I'm just a weak, scar-covered bookworm," Remus couldn't help feeling insecure. Sirius was perfect in every way. Every girl at Hogwarts swooned at the sight of him. "You're Sirius Black."

"I know who I am."

Remus ignored him. "You can have anyone. You're strong and beautiful and-"

"And I love you. I want you, Remus. Only you."

"I don't know what to say," Remus admitted, feeling sheepish.

"Then don't say anything."

Sirius pressed his lips against Remus' once more, this time very gently, and Remus felt he could no longer resist those perfect lips. Their lips met once more, and this time the kiss was filled with a passion neither knew could exist. Remus forgot all his previous insecurity. The only thing that mattered now was Sirius, and that Sirius was kissing him, that he wanted him.

Remus was almost certain he was dreaming. This couldn't be real. There was nothing real about it; Sirius didn't like blokes and Remus would never be his type if he did.

"This _is_ a dream, isn't it?" Remus asked when they broke apart again.

"Is this what you usually dream about?" Sirius asked curiously, a smile playing on his lips. "I'd been wondering."

"Well, no. Quite the opposite, really."

"Interesting."

"What?"

Sirius grinned. "I wasn't expecting that, honestly, the way you talk in your sleep sometimes," Remus groaned. "Don't worry, it's nothing bad."

Remus groaned again, pulling the blankets over his face.

"Really, it's not," Sirius tugged the blankets out of Remus' grip, their eyes locked. Remus noticed the warmness and softness in Sirius' as he spoke, his voice barely a whisper, "You usually say that you love me. Some nights you ask me to kiss you."

"I-do?" Remus choked.

"It was hard to stay away from you, really. It wasn't so bad at first, but lately you've been doing it almost every night. I stay awake at night and listen for it sometimes. It's actually why I stayed here for the holidays. I knew I had to talk to you, to get you alone. I knew you weren't going to admit you loved me, of course. I knew it would be a challenge, but that only made me want you more. I'm curious though…"

"What?"

"Is kissing me really as 'irresistible' and 'amazing' as you say it is?"

"I say _that_?"

"Was it?" Sirius pressed. He had an amused look on his face, and Remus figured he was enjoying this a lot more than he ought to.

"It was even better than I imagined, actually," Remus admitted.

"Good. I'd hate to disappoint."

Sirius kissed Remus once again, but he pulled away.

"Um, what are we going to tell James and Peter?"

"They already know."

"Oh."

"You know, you talk too much sometimes, too many questions and worries" Sirius mused. "I'll have to work on that."

"No I do-" Sirius' lips met Remus' once again, silencing him. If this was the way Sirius was going to 'work on that,' Remus had no problem with it at all. He allowed Sirius to explore his mouth, not caring if Sirius was guiding his inexperienced tongue the whole way. Sirius didn't seem to mind either, not breaking the kiss until many minutes later.

He yawned and pulled Remus even closer to him. He kissed the werewolf's forehead, and pulled the blankets up closer around them. Remus felt warmth fill his entire body, and he wasn't really sure the blankets had anything to do with it.

"You're amazing," Remus whispered.

"So're you." Sirius muttered sleepily. "Night Moony."

"Night." Remus was no longer tired though. He stayed awake and watched as Sirius' breathing became even and his face peaceful. As he watched, he couldn't help but smile. He was right; things would never be the same.


End file.
